A World Without Colour by Bernard Jan.

A World Without Colour by Bernard Jan.

"Your presence in my life is like a room filled with lamps. When you're gone, the brightest, the prettiest one will go out. And leave behind the half-light of unclear shadows."

You could almost hear John Donne speaking so reverently and adoringly to his lover in endearing terms. Metaphysics. This eulogy is full of love and sadly, a lot of heartache. It is written beautifully in such a poetic style to help us to empathise with the author over a difficult three day period in which his pet died. For animal lovers, attached to their pets it will be easy to identify with the emotional horror of seeing a sick animal dying, being helpless to do anything other than watch the angel of death end his suffering: "I knew I would stay with you until the end, that we would spend life together." It's an emotional outburst. It's just like losing a brother, a close relative you care for and whose loss you mourn.

It began for Marcel, nicknamed Pipo when "the air was screaming with a siren alarm" with the rocket attacks in Zagreb when the kitten was discarded and unwanted, "sentenced to death immediately after birth." Marcel and his siblings were tormented by local thugs who poured water over the kittens to kill them. Fortunately, there were animal lovers and the kittens were rescued. Jan became infatuated with this beautiful little ball of fur who gave him pleasure and amusement for 14 years 8 months and 27 days. Marcel united the family and gave meaning to Jan's life. He eulogises Marcel's worth using a string of meaningful words that perhaps you would associate with the best of mankind, words ranging from  incorruptibility to benevolence to purity. Hyperbole like Donne or simple adulation? After all there is a natural affinity between man and beast. We become attached to these wonderful little darlings.
Jan indulges his cat with the usual affectionate act of stroking and speaking in endearing terms to his old buddy who obviously laps it up before we realise that the pet is in considerable pain and suffering. Breathing is a problem as it fights for breath: the "rattles and squeaks of suffocation"disturb the air.  He is "worn-out" and terminally sick, his ribs stick out and he is long, thin and distorted. He's had cataracts, inflammation and towards the end it seems he may also have a tumour. The prognosis is bad.

It is April, photos are taken, in order to attempt to preserve the present, fond memories are recaptured of a "worthy, fearless and skilled hunter" as one very sick animal drifts inevitably to his final curtain and so doing, Jan states that the world will lose its colour and "darken like the land of Mordar." Jan fell apart; he felt as if he had killed his precious animal and was left feeling guilty and full of remorse. His mother, also devastated like his father, pestered the author to write about Marcel so that his memory would live on through the power of his own writing. He certainly succeeded in doing that. Interestingly, Jan decided to write two endings to this true story: one genuine, the other fictional. He wants you to decide how this sad story ends. He couldn't imagine a world in which his cat would not play a part:
"As long as there is a fire in you for one more battle, as long as you do not say it's over." Jan deceives himself, as we would all do, into thinking Marcel would get stronger and recover. He was a "full member of the family, with all its rights and privileges." He left an emptiness and a grief-stricken family. Long live his memory.

REVIEW it by Carol Naylor.

Publisher: Bernard Jan  ISBN: 978-953-7077-08-02 ebook: 978-953-59581-0-9

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